A project I need your help with
Hi friends,
I didn’t intend to post this on Election Day, but OHHH THE NERVOUS ENERGY I need something to do with my hands. I’ve drafted many iterations of this letter, and they were all verbose (shocker), so here’s my attempt to be slightly more succinct.
It’s been quite a year. As a nation we’re baffled and grieved, wincing and shaking our heads. We’ve realized that there’s a lot of ugliness and meanness at work right under our noses. That America’s not as united as we’d hoped. That there’s a lot of pain in this country around race, class, sexuality, gender. That maybe we didn’t notice it before, because we weren’t personally feeling the pain.
And the social landscape is changing so quickly: the vitriol gets louder, and we want to counter it—but we don’t know where to jump in. We don’t even always know what language to use to describe people who are different from us.
We don’t want to be assholes: we don’t want to be racist, or classist, or [whatever]-ist. But we’re afraid we might be accidental assholes.
Also: We know that there’s a lot of political and historical knottiness in questions about -isms, and that it’s possible to argue about “the data,” or about “political correctness.” But we don’t want to argue about data or political correctness, and we’re sick of obfuscating human pain with partisan arguments. We want to help people who are suffering. We want to understand their suffering. We want better tools for love.
(Raise your hand if you’re with me?)
Because it’s one thing to Have a Reasoned Opinion about gendered bathrooms in North Carolina, and it’s another thing to know what to call the kid in your neighborhood whose gender seems in flux. You love this kid. This kid needs your care, not your opinions. But you literally don’t know how to talk to or about…him? Her? Them? Apparently, there’s a lot we need to learn, and fast.
But we’re already overwhelmed, because: LIFE. We are not college students with unlimited discussion and learning time.
Also, we’re overwhelmed because: there are a lot of resources out there, and they are very detailed. And honestly, we’re not looking to become activists about every issue. It’s like a pyramid: we want to be aware and equipped for person-to-person kindness across the board, but there are only a few areas where we want to go deeper, learn more. And maybe one or two where we’d like to volunteer, work, donate money.
But where to volunteer? Where to donate money? We’ve realized that in the face of so much information: we’re kind of clueless.
There's a lot of work involved in transforming from Anxious Well-Intentioned Non-Racist Non-Asshole into Everyday Openhearted Change-Maker Who Resembles the Person You Hope You'd Be If You Were Quantum Leaped Into Nazi Germany. (New superhero name just trademarked, y’all.)
It's a lot of work. And really, it's not fair to ask our friends who are currently feeling the pain to be the System Explainers for us; they’ve got enough on their plate. If we want a just and loving country, this is work we (we white, middle-class, well-educated people, for example) have to do. Holy cats, though. Where to start?
YOU GUYS! This work we have to do? It involves research, making-invisible-processes-visible, organizing complex information into doable chunks, writing, and justice! These are the things I love! And if the exclamation points and italics haven't already tipped you off, lemme be explicit: I'm really, really, really excited to do some of that work and then share it! Here, on this blog!
I need a community to make it happen. If you think it’d be helpful to you, please please get involved. Here’s the plan:
STEP 1. You send me your murky, embarrassing questions about race/gender/sexuality/class relations: wecanmakerealchange@gmail.com. The questions/concerns I receive will go into a big confidential pot of confidential confidentiality, so be honest. We’d all love to be ultra-enlightened. None of us is. It’s OK; we’ll learn.
STEP 2. I collect basic information about helpful language, historical context, and What We Can Do to Make a Difference. I synthesize that information into short, sequential practical chunks, and share them on the blog. We discuss, we practice, we actually start to Make a Difference. Is this something each of us could do individually? Of course. But I reallllly love to do it, so.
While we’re embarrassed about our ignorance and afraid that we might be accidental jerks, we’re paralyzed. Instead, let’s do this. Let’s devote a few minutes a day to becoming more aware, more loving, and more ready to do something.
A few final lists (sorry, you know me), and then let’s get started.
LIST 1. Caveats and answers to already-frequently-asked questions:
- This is a primer. It will be basic. (Or: a refresher, if you haven’t done this work in awhile.)
- As such, it’ll leave out some things, but it’ll direct you to other, more thorough resources. (My students knew not to cite Wikipedia but did know to exploit it as a “source of good sources.” This is like that.)
- We’re going to try to stay as nonpartisan as possible. This isn’t about who’s right, writ large; it’s about how to love and make this country more loving.
- That said, there’s no way to be neutral about this stuff. Love isn’t neutral.
- To put a finer point on it: I will fundamentally assume that systemic inequities have always existed in this country and disproportionately harm particular groups (eg, people of color). This will not be a forum for debating whether that is the case. This is a forum for learning to mitigate the inequities and care for our neighbors who suffer under them.
- We’ll get things wrong, and we’ll work together to fix them.
- I’d love it if you forward this your people who’d enjoy participating on any level: reading, asking questions, taking some practical steps. My husband reminded me that I should include some bona fides for people who don’t know me.
- Yes, please send me info sources! This isn’t me know-it-all-ing; it’s me asking People Who Know and breaking it down so we can learn, and the People Who Know can take a break for a minute from trying to help us understand.
- OMG yes when I say “short chunks of information” I mean much, much, much shorter than this post.
LIST 2. Sample questions that you might want us to address (these come directly from conversations I’ve had recently):
- I get that Black Lives Matter. But why aren't we talking about All Lives Matter?
- I am definitely more worried when I see a brown-skinned, hoodie-wearing man ahead of me on the sidewalk than when I see a light-skinned, suit-wearing man. Whaaaat, and what can I do about it?
- I'm a pretty conservative Christian, and my reading of the Bible precludes same-sex marriage, but I am not a “Gays Must Burn”-er; I want to be respectful and loving. How?
- I get how "Washington Redskins" is racist, but "Cleveland Indians" or "Atlanta Braves"? Aren't those complimentary? And how much does it matter?
- What should I do about panhandlers? I don't want to feed anyone's drug problem.
- Are we supposed to say "illegal immigrants?" "Undocumented immigrants?"
- I really don't think I'm racist. Wait, am I racist?
HERE'S WHAT TO DO:
- Send me the questions you want addressed (including those above, if they apply to you). The questions you’re afraid of, the questions you think are stupid, the questions that seem too complicated. And keep 'em coming as they arise! Again: all will be kept confidential. Send to wecanmakerealchange@gmail.com. (Note that this is slightly different from the blog URL.)
- Bookmark this page, and stay tuned for the first installment early next week.
We’re all good learners. We can do this. Let’s make some changes. Now I’m going to hit publish and sit on my hands.
Lots and lots of love,
Michelle
PS Here's that email address again: wecanmakerealchange@gmail.com